Guest Post by Heath Mullikin
Today I want to introduce you to Heath Mullikin–who is guest posting today with this most hilarious description of Christian conferences. I love it!
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I meet a lot of people at Christian Conferences. Today, I am attending the Newspring Leadership Conference (#nlc) in Anderson, SC at Newspring Church. I’ve been to all of them so far (this is year 3) and the speaker lineup includes Matt Chandler, Steven Furtick, Criag Groeschel, James McDonald, Perry Noble, Judah Smith, Andy Stanley, Judah Smith, and Jud Wilhite. The first 2 years were challenging and life changing and I will miss Mark Driscoll this year. I have been to a conference at Willow Creek before and that was incredible, but mostly I’ve stuck with local and denominational events. Our district has a yearly retreat that is required for full-time pastors and it is always refreshing. In 17 years of attending conferences, here are a few of the people I have met.
[highlight class=”highlight_yellow” style=””]1. Know It All Guy.[/highlight]He’s not there for him. He’s there for you. He’s quick to add his 2 cents to every point the speaker makes and even lets those around him know that he could’ve done a better job speaking. Everyone’s met Know It All Guy and now he’s Guy We Avoid LIke the Plague.
[highlight class=”highlight_yellow” style=””]2. Mr. Haven’t Got a Clue.[/highlight]This guy is desperate. He has read every book and been to every conference trying to find the Answer, the Fix, the Solution to all his life and church problems. Sadly, the problem is Mr. Haven’t Got a Clue is struggling because he is trying to fulfill a calling someone besides the Lord placed on him. He feels trapped because he’s living a life of ministry different than the one God designed for him. God has a place and a role for him in the local church. God has a purpose and mission for his life. It’s just not as a pastor…and he doesn’t have a clue.
[highlight class=”highlight_yellow” style=””]3. The Power Couple[/highlight]Their marriage is perfect. Their kids are perfect. Their hair is perfect. Their matching outfits are perfect?
[highlight class=”highlight_yellow” style=””]4. Miss Proving She Belongs[/highlight]I am proud of the Wesleyan church’s heritage of women and ministry and stories like this excite me. I realize that different churches have different stances on women in ministry, but most conferences are inter-denominational. Miss Proving She Belongs sometimes feels like to has to always have the perfect answer, the perfect conversation, the perfect outfit, etc. She feels like everyone is looking at her wondering if she is there as a spouse or a pastor. Dear Miss Proving She Belongs, you belong and you don’t have anything to prove to me, God, or any idiot in skinny jeans who looks down his nose at you.
[highlight class=”highlight_yellow” style=””]5. The Big Group[/highlight]There is always a church with a Big Group at every conference. They often arrive on charter buses wearing matching shirts and enter the auditorium to WWE entrance music. They’re loud and they’re proud. They save entire seats of rows with their conference packets, church logo embroidered laptop bags, and wind breakers. When one person shares an inside joke privately during a session the whole section laughs. You may make some jokes at their expense, but deep down…you want one of those bags.
[highlight class=”highlight_yellow” style=””]6. Live Blogging TweetaMinute Dude[/highlight]Thanks to this guy all his Twitter followers and blog readers get minute by minute updates of the conference. They get quotes, book suggestions, and commentary. Guinness called and the world record is yours for most people annoyed on Twitter. Sorry, Kim Kardashian just tweeted another swimsuit pic so you’re back in second. Eight blog posts in one day! By the way, thanks. Your notes were actually quite helpful.
[highlight class=”highlight_yellow” style=””]7. The Taker[/highlight]This person is going to implement every single idea they get the minute they get home. Some will work and some will not. The Taker is desperate for ideas because they have failed to spend any quality time alone with the Lord for Him to give them any ideas. They try new things ten times a year after The Taker returns from each conference.
[highlight class=”highlight_yellow” style=””]8. Sponge Bobby[/highlight]Like Joshua learning at the feet of Moses or the disciples hanging on Jesus’ every word, Sponge Bobby soaks up everything he can from the conferences he attends. This is something he does every day in God’s presence. He hasn’t arrived at this conference burned out and dried up because he allows God to refresh his soul every day. The knowledge and insight he will receive from these great speakers and leaders will be used by God to empower him to impact his community. He realizes that it’s not enough just to soak up information and inspiration, but to share it and pour it out on those under his care. And his best friend’s name is Patrick.
Who did I leave out? Who have you met at a conference? I’d love to hear your thoughts and you can share this post using the buttons below. Now, I’ve got to get to bed so I can get up early enough to trim my goatee, spike my hair, and iron my shirt with the designs on the back.
[See original article here]
Heath Mullikin is the Pastor of Oakway United in Westminster, SC. He loves Jesus, his wife, Karen, and their 3 kids, Milena, Charis, and Drake. Connecting with new people through social media, community life, fantasy sports, and speaking engagements is his passion. His mission is to help everyone he encounters fulfill God’s purpose with passion. On Tuesdays, he is the Tech Talk guy for the Good Morning Radio Show in Nashville, TN and a co-host of The Techology Show podcast. You’ll find his writings at heathmullikin.com
I love Sponge Bobby. I wish he were a member of my church fellowship!
– Jay DePoy
for sure!
Heath forgot to include Mr. Seminar Skipper
You know the guy (gal?) – too busy with their day-to-day and often look at a conference as a chance to “get away from it all” and have a break. They attend the opening rally and then sometime around the next day they can be found on the golf course or local outlet mall ‘reflecting’ on what they learned.
Maybe they show up for the final service, but they can’t get into it because most of the audience is wrapped up in the emotion of the whole event but they’re busy wondering if they should turn in their golf course receipt as a ‘professional expense’ when they get home…
🙂
Hilarious. SO true. I usually skip at least one session–so this is partly me
haha love this post!
You hinted at this guy but what about the ultra cool hipster conference guy, he can be found somewhere outside a seminar talking on his iPhone, using his iPad, typing something on his macbook, sipping a latte and trying not to bust out of his skinny jeans. The conference is his chance to show how relevant and in touch he is.
Indeed! but he would be using an Android-based phone and looking down his tortoise-shell glasses at all the mac-obsessed iLemmings around him, and the rest of what you said.