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ORIGINAL POSTER shares story of pain and heartache, hoping for change or practical help.
BFF of OP offers brief support.
OP’S DISTANT RELATIVE replies noting the bigger societal problem behind the issue.
RANDOM RICK offers expression of outrage using terms one can only understand by using Urban Dictionary.
BFF of OP posts additional outrage.
OP’S DISTANT RELATIVE makes awkward reference to personal history of OP which no one understands.
AMBIGUOUS ANDY offers odd statement that could be interpreted as a personal attack on OP.
BFF of OP shows complete astonishment at AMBIGUOUS ANDY’s insensitivity.
WHITE KNIGHT WALLY writes a long diatribe about how wrong Andy’s post is and why it represents the worst of society.
RANDOM RICK asks if anyone is watching the game tonight.
CANTANKEROUS CLIF expresses support for AMBIGUOUS ANDY and rephrases his idea in a dismissive tone.
AMBIGUOUS ANDY returns citing long bathroom break. Claims everyone misunderstood what he meant when he said something ambiguously.
SELF-PROMOTING SALLY posts a link to her blog post which sorta kinda relates to the subject at hand saying it might help everyone on this subject.
CANTANKEROUS CLIF restates offensive thoughts telling everyone what AMBIGUOUS ANDY really meant to say.
DEVIL’S ADVOCATE DAVE philosophically reiterates the minority position, saying CANTANKEROUS CLIF and AMBIGUOUS ANDY shouldn’t be persecuted for their beliefs.
POLITICAL PETE notes that this is really all because of a major legislative debate happening in the country.
LIBERAL LINDA completely agrees with POLITICAL PETE and makes direct personal attack on the character of an elected conservative official.
CONSERVATIVE CHAD calls LIBERAL LINDA a moron.
AMBIGUOUS ANDY again reiterates that he is not in league with CANTANKEROUS CLIF and that he has been misinterpreted, although he agrees in principle with him, he thinks.
JESUS JUKE JAN brings up a passage in the Old Testament Proverbs and makes everyone feel guilty about their behavior so far.
SLIPPERY SLOPE STEVE mentions a bigger sensitive subject that the main post could be distantly related to and bemoans how society is going to hell in a hand basket because of all this stuff.
HUMBLEBRAG HARRY feels he has to point out how he hasn’t handled this issue well in the past but has recently spoken on the subject to a large audience and received much unexpected praise for it. Offers help if anyone wants to pick his brain privately to deal with this issue head-on.
LIBERAL LINDA posts a meme-style photo of a conservative politician with speech bubble saying something stupid which was not a direct quote of the politician.
CONSERVATIVE CHAD posts a moving gif of a famous actress rolling her eyes.
RANDOM RICK posts a picture of a cat with an inspiring phrase typed on it, unrelated to the discussion at hand.
SELF-APPOINTED REFEREE takes the high road and ask everyone to get along because they all really believe the same thing.
CANTANKEROUS CLIF notes that such thinking is really the problem in our society, and that they all certainly do not believe the same thing.
SLIPPERY SLOPE STEVE agrees. Makes implications about the sexual orientation of some in the thread, or those like them.
AMBIGUOUS ANDY doesn’t read SLIPPERY SLOPE STEVE’s entire comment, so agrees with the first half of it but appears to agree with all of it.
LIBERAL LINDA TYPES ENTIRE RANTING POST IN ALL CAPS QUESTIONING THE SANITY OF MOST PEOPLE IN THREAD.
JESUS JUKE JAN copy and paste’s an entire chapter from the book of Matthew into the thread, with no other comment, interpretation, or application to the issue at hand.
SELF-PROMOTING SALLY asks if anyone has actually read her post from before as it would clear up the question everyone seems to have really well. Posts link again for those that missed it.
OP’S DISTANT RELATIVE claims that this thread is a great example of why the internet is evil and decides to delete account.
BFF of OP asks OP’S DISTANT RELATIVE to stay and reminds everyone of the original poster’s problem and asks that everyone is respectful of the situation and stop changing the subject.
[Thread goes cold for an hour since no one seems to really care about the Original Poster’s problem any more]
OP’S DISTANT RELATIVE doesn’t actually leave and repeatedly checks the thread for replies every 60 seconds at work this day.
RANDOM RICK revives thread by making an awkward joke about the President of the United States.
WHITE KNIGHT WALLY apologizes for his role in making this thread into something not intended. Honestly wants reconciliation.
DEVIL’S ADVOCATE DAVE sees WHITE KNIGHT WALLY’s point and notes that he was only trying to make sure everyone was heard.
CANTANKEROUS CLIF says he is sorry too and then adds a paragraph trying to clarify what he meant and says if that’s still a problem for anyone then he is just saying it like it is and everyone can just deal with it if they don’t like it.
BFF of OP shakes her head in real life. Writes “smh” in reply.
CANTANKEROUS CLIF notes that he just “calls them as he sees them.”
SELF-PROMOTING SALLY honestly wonders aloud why people aren’t just reading what she linked to.
SELF-APPOINTED REFEREE tells everyone that it seems the discussion has flamed out and it’s time to disperse.
HUMBLEBRAG HARRY explains that he was really just trying to help earlier, and sees now that he didn’t help at all. Notes how the other day he was talking to a very famous person about this same issue and he learned a lot from them which he then retells.
HASHTAG HOLLY writes a paragraph about #HerOpinions on #TheIssue with #VeryExpressiveLanguage and #DeclarativeStatements and proceeds to #GoBack and turn every other phrase #N2aHashtag to somehow give #HerProse #MoreElegance and #ViralPower so that #TheYoungPeopleOutThereListening can relate to her #GroovyIdeas and #NuancedViewpoints while also somehow being #InYoFace and #KeepinItRealYo.
OFFICIAL DISCUSSION ADMINISTRATOR posts bland reminder of the rules of the forum with distant sounding computer-generated-style sentences and initial warning.
RANDOM RICK detours into sharing how this one time the OFFICIAL DISCUSSION ADMINISTRATOR blocked his post for no reason and he will never forgive that. He is a libertarian.
LIBERAL LINDA notes that everything makes perfect sense now in a way that RANDOM RICK thinks is a compliment but it’s not.
AMBIGUOUS ANDY apologies somewhat for his initial comments but then adds one line that brings up the subject of race.
CONSERVATIVE CHAD asks AMBIGUOUS ANDY what his ethnicity is and makes a sweeping statement about a recent news item related to race.
LIBERAL LINDA says that comments like the one coming from CONSERVATIVE CHAD are racist.
CONSERVATIVE CHAD is deeply offended. Demands apology.
LIBERAL LINDA refuses because she never called him a racist, just said comments like that are.
CONSERVATIVE CHAD make a longer post about splitting hairs and semantics and neo-fascism and how this is all a broader trend in society and is alarmingly similar to the Nazi regime in fact.
SELF-APPOINTED REFEREE makes reference to Godwin’s Law.
DEVIL’S ADVOCATE DAVE wonders what that is.
SELF-PROMOTING SALLY copies definition from Wikipedia saying: “As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1.” Includes link to another discussion board on her website where she posted a very helpful description of this internet adage and its use.
HASHTAG HOLLY replies with only this: #HilterIsOverrated
AMBIGUOUS ANDY wonders about the meaning of life in light of such horrible discussions as this one.
DEVIL’S ADVOCATE DAVE makes statement about freedom of speech and how discussions like this one are very important.
CANTANKEROUS CLIF calls LIBERAL LINDA a bad name and has decided that she is the worst person in America.
CONSERVATIVE CHAD says CANTANKEROUS CLIF has gone too far and asks him not to do that.
CANTANKEROUS CLIF tells CONSERVATIVE CHAD that he is not a true conservative and that he too is a part of the slippery slope into immorality if he doesn’t stand up to people like LIBERAL LINDA.
SLIPPERY SLOPE STEVE agrees.
OP’S DISTANT RELATIVE makes an impassioned plea for everyone to just stop their bickering and care for her distant relative whose original post had nothing to do with what they are all saying here, and shares some more private information about the situation which makes everyone stop posting for several days.
[Three days later]
ORIGINAL POSTER notes that she had been away from a computer for a few days and came back to this crazy discussion. She cannot believe her distant relative shared that information in public in the last post. She is mortified.
HASHTAG HOLLY posts #SocialMediaRelativeAwkwardness
OP’S DISTANT RELATIVE profusely apologizes.
SELF-PROMOTING SALLY mentions that she will be participating at the open mic night at a certain coffee shop this weekend and invites everyone to come as this discussion has informed the content she will use.
HUMBLEBRAG HARRY sort of confronts SELF-PROMOTING SALLY about self-promotion. Proceeds to name drop someone he knows who is a famous author who got their start at that same coffee shop.
OFFICIAL DISCUSSION ADMINISTRATOR notes that discussion is now closed on this thread.
RANDOM RICK posts picture right before the thread is closed for real. It is a picture of the President of the United States with a Hitler mustache Photoshopped on it.
[THREAD CLOSED]
I figured this had to exist so I Googled it and yes, it does. Uploaded for your convenience.
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